A few years ago Dr. Karl Pillemer of the Cornell University of New York, belonging to the Ivy League, started the “Legacy Project”: an initiative in which more than 1,500 elderly people from all over the country were already interviewed with the aim of keeping fit written their testimony. The fundamental concept on which the project is based is that a person’s legacy should not consist solely of what is material but also of the intangible. It is a thesis that is being defended more and more in our society, which is beginning to realize how much exacerbated materialism has been imposed on it and which has been reflected in many inheritance planning programs in the United States, as was openly highlighted in a recent Wall Street Journal article.
As writer Tim Maurer, co-author of The Ultimate Financial Plan: Balancing Your Money an Plan (Wiley), points out in this article, “We can learn a great deal of lessons from our seniors, and we should take advantage of vacations and family reunions because they tell us not only those chapters of their life that we do not know, but also the lessons they have drawn from them” . What differentiates this so-called “Great Generation” from others is that it has lived through some of the most traumatic events in history, such as the Great Depression, the Second World War and even the First, or the Holocaust and exile, a tough training process that made one’s expectations and skills hone .
The project by Pillemer and his colleagues, however, is not limited to being a mere testimony, but aims to summarize the results in a series of conclusions that can help us on our personal journey . About 30 of these were collected in the first volume prepared for the project, published this year and entitled 30 lessons for living: tried and true advice from the wisest Americans . The publisher himself points out that the responses received pleasantly surprised him, as he found “much fewer clichés than expected” and, beyond the age and experience of the interviewees, the responses were very little retro.
1. SAY YES TO OPPORTUNITIES
At the end of life, most of our regrets have more to do with what we didn’t do than what we could have done. Every bump in the road is an opportunity to write a new episode in the book of our lives, while avoiding opportunities for fear that they will change the state of affairs leads us to wonder in our old age why we didn’t take that path, even though it seemed wrong at the time . Paradoxically, the happiest were those who had made the most complicated decisions.
2. DON’T WORK WITH THE SOLE OBJECTIVE OF GETTING RICH
One of the most significant differences between the generations born in the first half of the last century and the younger ones is that none of the former chose their career with the aim of amassing a large fortune at the expense of personal fulfillment. It is one thing that it costs us to find the desired job and we have to adapt to what we have, it is very different to get a job that will not make us happy but will allow us material well-being.
3. FOR A MARRIAGE TO WORK, YOU MUST SHARE THE SAME GOALS
Most couples are formed starting from a sexual and romantic attraction, but as those couples who have remained together for several decades point out, the most important thing for the survival of the relationship is share the same goals. Furthermore, although it is said that it is preferable that the members of the couple are very different in order to complement each other, the veterans deny this statement and ensure that it is better to be compatible and have impulses in common
4. DON’T DISDAIN BAD JOBS
On occasion, we will find ourselves in a work situation that probably isn’t what we hoped for. Instead of despairing and warming up the office chair until we find something better, it is preferable to face the situation head on and, without deceiving ourselves into thinking that it is a wonderful job when it is not, try to learn something from the experience. The great winners in life are those who are able to draw wisdom from every activity they carry out in the course of their existence, even if it is not positive a priori.
5. THE EDUCATION OF CHILDREN DEPENDS ON THE TIME THAT THEY DEDICATE TO THEM
Children do not educate themselves, although in many occasions it is easier to find them as many extracurricular activities as possible so as not to have to worry about them. Certainly, the best educated children are those to whom their parents have devoted the most time, according to the elderly. The interviewees recall that it is very important to spend the so-called “quality time” together (i.e. weekends, trips or public holidays) such as living together every day and being able to chat every day
6. TRAVEL A LOT
Perhaps not all of us have the same availability of time and money to be able to leave our home often, but all those who have traveled enough agree that it was essential to be able to open up one’s views and look at life from other points of view. own daily existence. They are the same people who say that what they remember best from their past are their travels, including those that didn’t last more than a weekend. Pillemer notes that “the rewards of travel are so great that young people should prioritize it when spending money, long before other things.”
7. DON’T FIGHT AGAINST AGING
It’s an irreversible process that sooner or later will come for everyone, to the point that denying it ends up resulting in pathetic or even harmful behavior. “Don’t waste your time complaining about being old”, point out the old experts, who also usually add that old age is not what they portray it to be. Furthermore, many agree that it is one of the happiest stages of one’s life and that it makes no sense to act like a young person to delay it as much as possible.
8. TIME IS EVERYTHING
Always keep in mind that our time in this world is limited must not lead us to sadness and frustration, on the contrary: it must serve as an excuse to make the most of our time, without stress, in order not to produce the opposite effect. This is why we must not leave for tomorrow what we can do today, neither at work, nor in our personal lives, nor in our free time. Life is too short to spend it sitting still or being bored.
9. HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE NOT A CONSEQUENCE
Older people share the sense of one of the most common phrases in self-help books, namely that happiness should not be the end of the road but the starting point. A 75-year-old man points out in the study that “you can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can be responsible for your attitudes and your reactions before the events.” Along the same lines, they all report that every second we spend worrying about something is a second of life we waste.
10. WHEN YOU GET OLD, KEEP SOCIAL CONTACTS
One of the great dangers of aging is the possibility of isolation in remaining on the margins of society, favored by various factors such as health problems, mobility difficulties or retirement. You must never lose sight of friends or family, always learn new things and, if possible, get to know people of different ages (for example, by participating in different refresher courses or activities) and accept all possible invitations to social events.
